Is it all about sex?

Shocked by the title? Or maybe excited? Maybe you are thinking that I have gone crazy to talk about 'this' thing. Maybe, you will be disappointed with what I am going to write. In any case, since you are already here, do read till the end. Read because this is a true story about someone's private life and not-so-private life.

In October 2014, I met a person with a beautiful voice. She sang a melodious Kannada bhajan. I and my friends sat around her to listen to her story, a story that was unheard of, a story which was not even close to our realities. She narrated 'her' story..a story of a transgender! Akkai is her name today but she was born as Jagadish.

...I was born as a male child, a child with male private parts. Born into an upper caste family and father serving in the Air Force, it was herculean to come out to them. My brother had married a Christian girl and was excommunicated. Then sister married a Dalit boy and was excommunicated too. At the tender age of six, I realized I was neither a male fully, nor even a girl. The childhood was too confusing!

With every word of hers, the base of the thought buildings which stood strong till date had started shaking. Her beautiful voice presented a naked reality. What did she mean by 'too confusing'?, I wondered.

...I used to always be with my Amma. She used to shush me away saying, "Behave like a boy!", she said tirelessly. But, I didn't care. I loved painting my nails colorful and making rangoli. I was more comfortable with girls and would oft wear dresses from my sister.  

By now, I had figured out where it was heading. I could only imagine the reactions of the family. But what came up was beyond my imagination.

..."I'm not a boy, I want to be a girl". Slap! Slapped!! I was house arrested. Appa poured hot water on my legs. It was getting worse day by day. Staying alive was more painful than thinking of an end. I was 12! Twice did I attempt to kill myself. But even the fortune wasn't interested in blessing me with a death. My long hair were cut, I was taken to the Godmen (Tantriks). The family thought I was a psychiatric patient, as well. They thought I could be cured. 

Days passed by as she kept suffocating every moment. She couldn't be herself. What a crime that she was trapped in a wrong body! As she entered college and chose to study further, her course mates decided to teach her a lesson for being girlish. Getting called as a Hijra or Chhakka was not new to her but one fine day she witnessed something that horrified her to the core.

...They entered the washroom right after me. They were 5. With their weapons upright and laughter deafening, they showered my face with the out-throw, one after the other. I was stunned. Shunned! Outraged! I entered the principal's cabin with my wet face only to hear that had I been behaving like a man, nobody would bother me. I left college.

For a moment, her voice shook. She paused and calmed herself down. Shocked was I. Yes, it was her fault, isn't it? It was her fault to get sexually harassed, bullied, ragged, exploited, cornered and throttled. Wasn't it! I thought I couldn't take more. It was now getting difficult to even face Akkai. As a member of the same society, the guilt and shame had taken over me.
Next day after leaving the college, Jagadish met 4-5 others like her at a traffic signal. She realized she had only two options left - Begging or sex work. She had an option to sell her dignity or sell her body. What else could she possibly do? She chose the latter.

...I didn't know sex work. I sat on a bench. In a while, men started surrounding me. Their gazes, full of desperation, tore every inch of me second by second. But I could see no other alternative. An oral sex for Rs. 20 gave me the assurance that I could earn my bread.  Four years...I continued this journey of darkness. My parents thought I was working as an office assistant. I was lying. It was not a pleasurable journey, at all. Sex for 2 rs, 5rs, maximum 150 rs... sometimes even for free...unprotected...Sometimes molested by goons... they scratched me with their knives, pierced blades..for their pleasure... then harassed policemen..they 'vultured'...filed petty false cases, forced me to clean police station, water the plants, clean their toilets and of course had their share of pleasure too! Unaware of the laws, I was locked into a police station for 2 nights, illegally

There was pin-drop silence in the room. I looked at my friends. Nobody dared to look at each other. The heads were heavy as loads. But Akkai had more to tell, to say, to ask, to question.

...Human rights! They apply to humans. Society was not ready to accept us as fellow humans. We were not 'worth' it. We weren't meant to be alive but I couldn't die. I had failed earlier. I would fail again for I knew something was burning inside me..something that didn't let me kill myself..something that said, "Akkai, you should fight back." 

Akkai was born that day, the day Jagadish had taken an exit from the stage of sex and gender. Jagadish only listened, Akkai wanted to assert. Jagadish tolerated silently, Akkai decided to retaliate. Jagadish died and Akkai was born. Akkai, the lady which had an interesting tale to tell! (To be continued...)